My mini slept in this morning……I feel I have the right to be a little bit smug about that as it happens so rarely.

Full disclosure….we have a king size + side car cot “family bed”. Mini starts the night in her little toddler bed but only with someone (mama) snuggling her to sleep…..then at some unknown hour of the morning she wanders in, climbs over dad and snuggles in between us. She has never been a great sleeper, never had really obvious tired signs in her infancy, hated sleeping by herself and although we started “sleep training” at 5 months old, between teething, illness and developmental changes, it got lost from our routine every time and each time we tried to “train” her again. I think 8 times in total before I gave up and did it my/our way and stayed close by her side. I still regret each and every time we did it and am putting it off with my Tiny out of pure dread!

When Tiny was on the way I decided I couldn’t do the bed battle again and have co slept with her in a side car arrangement since birth (and it has been SO much easier as a result!). I love waking up to my girls in our bed and I know hubby does (mostly) too. You cant help but start the day with a smile when Tiny wakes up and giggles at you with her stupid goofball grin.

But still, sleep is something I crave. With a newly teething 10 month old and the mounting pressures of work/home life, I have lately felt my waking hours increasing and the opportunities to induldge in restfull bliss have been evaporating before my eyes.

It should tell you something that I think of sleep as an indulgence. Sleep is my crutch, my favourite drug and when sleep evades only large amounts of coffee will do. But what to do when you cant get enough sleep? When you try to nap and life gets in the way? When your kids dont want you to sleep in and make it loudly known? When you dont have a choice but to stay up late working into the evening hours because your day is spent following the orders of an almost threenager (which is almost as exhausting as sleep deprivation itself) who threatens a melt down every time you suggest the idea of doing some work during daylight hours…………….phew, its a touchy subject with me. Then when my head finally hits the pillow, its filled with thoughts of tomorrow and the coming week, my childrens needs, my wishes for my husband and myself and dreams……well dreams are hard to come by, and then even I need some help to sleep. I put my white noise on, cuddle George my soft toy, and drift off to the sounds of a thunderstorm and visualisations of myself in a cosy cabin, by a lake, in front of a fire, during a torrential downpour……..just me and a book and REST.

So when my Mini says she needs mama to fall asleep, sometimes im thinking of all the things I need to do so that I can go to bed, but most of the time its A OK with me.

Because if I find it hard to switch off at the end of the day and still need George, and rain noises and my comfy knee pillow and the fan at just the right angle and visualisations (and sometimes even a sneaky 1/4 sleeping tablet)……..then how can I expect my 3 year old or my 10 month old who are both still going through huge changes to thier bodies and minds, to simply drift off to sleep, alone, in the dark, with no comfort and no mama.

I simply wont do it this time!


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